


Meticulous

by zonerunner



Series: Grow As We Go [1]
Category: The Politician (Netflix), The Politician (TV)
Genre: (assuming they're seniors in the show idk how America works), Can be seen as pre-canon/canon compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Just me projecting onto my boy, Payton has OCD, River is alive, because I said so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-02 18:35:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20816987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zonerunner/pseuds/zonerunner
Summary: Payton Hobart was notoriously methodical, a very organised young man. That in itself was no problem - it didn't seem to be causing any harm, and it helped him work towards his ambitions. However, when Payton began to withdraw, everyone noticed, leading to some unusual interactions, a phone call, and an intervention.I wrote this because I finished The Politician yesterday and Ben Platt has a knack for portraying characters I relate to. This is mostly me projecting, but I do see Payton as displaying some OCD characteristics. This takes place during the characters' junior year.





	Meticulous

Payton Hobart was a notoriously methodical young man. Those who knew him accepted it as simply a necessity to his meticulous agenda; after all, his life’s plan was no less than to become president of the United States. A goal as huge as that calls for at least a moderate ability to plan ahead and keep things in order.

Payton’s mother, Georgina, made no secret of the fact she preferred Payton to his often sadistic older brothers. To her, ‘family time’ was more often than not simply being with Payton; they didn’t have to be sharing a mutual activity for them to enjoy each other’s presence. Hence why, when Payton began to withdraw, Georgina was the first to notice.

Usually, when Georgina asked if Payton wanted to play a board game or watch a film, Payton readily agreed, stopping whatever he was doing unless it was particularly important, such as revision for a test the next day. Even then, Payton would usually ask her to help him study, to which she had no objection. However, recently, Payton had been acting more closed-off.

Twilight was fading into darkness when Georgina climbed the stairs to Payton’s room one night. She knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Payton’s familiar voice from within the room, monotonous, distracted.

Georgina entered the room. Payton was sitting cross-legged on his bed, various folders, textbooks, and stationery spread out around him. He barely looked up at his mother - an unusual thing in itself, for Payton not to greet her with a smile - but she assumed he was just focused.

“Hey, sweetie. What are you doing?” Georgina smiled.

“Studying.”

“What for?”

“I have some tests tomorrow.” Still not even so much as a glance up from the folder Payton was flipping through.

“Oh, really? What tests?”

“Mandarin and Chemistry.”

Georgina took in the array of material on the bed. “Seems like a lot for two subjects, don’t you think, love? I mean, you’re already a great student, you don’t need to worry so much.”

“Yeah, well, I’m studying for three subjects, so.” Payton muttered, almost shortly.

“Oh, why’s that? Do you have another test coming up?”

“No, I just am, Jesus!” Payton snapped.

Georgina blinked. In seventeen years, she had barely known Payton to have a short temper, and never with her. The two had a special sort of bond, a bond which had taken years to build. A bond which involved the two of them never raising their voice or snapping at each other. She couldn’t help but feel a little hurt amidst her concern, but something told her not to prod Payton for answers right now.

“...Okay, sweetie, if you’re sure. I’ll be downstairs, let me know if you need anything.”

Georgina left the room, making her way back downstairs. She tried not to dwell on the fact that, even though she’d spoken to him for barely a minute, Payton hadn’t looked at her even once.

Wednesday morning. Two tests in the same day. James groaned and maneuvered his way out of bed. He got ready quickly, grabbed a bagel, and got into the driver’s seat of his car.

Less than ten minutes later, he arrived at Payton’s house, navigating a masterful parallel parking job behind Payton’s car. Having known the Hobarts for almost ten years, James didn’t even bother knocking, rather using his key to unlock the door and enter the house.

Payton’s mother was sitting on a stool to James’ left, working on a painting of a young child. She turned around.

“Oh, good morning, James,” she said brightly.

“Hi, Georgina. Is Payton up yet?”

“I’m not sure, he hasn’t been down yet. I assume so. Have you had breakfast?”

“Payton and I were actually gonna go out and get something. Thank you, though.” James smiled. Georgina’s sheer kindness never failed to make his day.

He made his way up the stairs, knocking on Payton’s door.

“What?” Payton’s voice from within, a little stressed, but James thought nothing of it. Probably just today’s tests.

“It’s me. You ready to leave?”

A beat, and the door swung open, revealing Payton looking unusually unkempt by his standards. His hair stuck out in a few places, and underneath his eyes were the beginnings of dark shadows.

“What do you mean leave, leave for where? It’s 7:42, I don’t leave until five minutes past eight.” Payton spoke quickly.

“We were gonna go get breakfast before school today, remember?” It wasn’t like Payton to forget anything, and James was becoming slightly concerned.

“We never do that.”

“Well, no, but we don’t usually have two tests in one day. We were gonna get something nice to eat, to motivate us?” James paused, leaning against the doorframe. “Payton, are you alright?”

“Of course I’m alright, why wouldn’t I be?” Payton smiled, the expression winning and confident as usual, but the corners of his mouth wavered slightly.

“You seem… tired, is all.”

“I’m not tired, obviously I’m not. Why don’t you go get food and I’ll meet you at school, okay?”

“Payton, not to be a dick, but why don’t you wanna come?”

“Because that’s not part of our routine, James! Look, go get food or don’t, but I’m just gonna drive same time as usual, okay?”

James put his hands up, surrendering. “Okay. Whatever you say. See you later, I guess.”

James turned and left the house, trying not to let the way Payton harshly shut his bedroom door get to him. Payton was probably just stressed - God knew he tended to overthink things, even if he wouldn’t admit it. James had bigger things to worry about, and if Payton wanted to keep up his no-feelings politician act, he could do it after school.

Ten days later, McAfee Westbrook rang Payton’s doorbell, a small assortment of papers and files held under her left arm. A few moments later, she heard the lock click, and Payton opened the door, looking somewhat confused. He paused, blinked, shook his head.

“McAfee. Hi. I forgot you were coming. Come in.”

McAfee stepped through the doorway, taking the folders from under her arm as she turned and spoke to Payton.

“I spent last night looking through St. Sebastian’s history of student body presidents, and I compiled a list of the most common… what are you doing?”

Payton flinched - minutely, but enough for McAfee’s perceptive eyes to pick up - and turned to her. He licked his lips. “What?”

“With the door. What are you doing?”

“It, uh… won’t lock properly.”

“Let me try.” McAfee stepped forward, only to be met with Payton’s hand flying out to stop her.

“Just leave it, McAfee!”

She stepped back, scrutinising Payton’s face. He looked almost remorseful as soon as he’d spoken.

“What were you saying, uh, about the student body presidents?”

McAfee hesitated, but continued to give Payton the basic rundown on her findings as he relocked the door exactly seven more times, at her count. The two headed upstairs and spent the next few hours analysing the most common traits of St. Sebastian student body presidents in recent history and comparing them to Payton’s own. The activity was so routine, so them, that McAfee could almost ignore Payton’s constant tics and arranging, or how when he left the room to grab them drinks, he closed the door five times.

The next morning, River Barkley woke to a call from an unfamiliar number and silently cursed himself for forgetting to put his phone on silent. Ignoring the throbbing in his head he knew was going to become a killer hangover, he accepted the call.

“Hello?”

“River Barkley?” A girl’s voice, familiar he thought from somewhere at school, though he didn’t know exactly who.

“Yeah, who’s this?”

“McAfee Westbrook. I’m Payton’s friend.”

“Oh, the one with the cool suits?” Then McAfee’s words ran through River’s brain a second time. “Wait, wait. Why are you calling me? Is Payton alright?”

A pause on McAfee’s end. “I’m not sure. Payton’s been acting weird recently. I’ve noticed it, and so have his other friends.”

River sat up, the harsh edge of worry bringing with it clarity and wakefulness. “I’m sorry to hear that, but why are you calling me? Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Payton, but I’m just his Mandarin tutor.”

McAfee sighed, and River could imagine her rolling her eyes. “Look, I’m not stupid. I’ve seen the way Payton looks at you. You’ve obviously got something going on. What or who Payton does is none of my concern, but I think you could talk to him in a way none of us can.”

River sputtered ineloquently. “I… what? I’m not… Payton and I… I’m dating Astrid Sloan, I would never…”

“Save it, okay? I don’t care what you wanna call it, but he clearly cares about you, even if he says he doesn’t do the whole feelings thing. And I care about him, and I’m worried. I don’t know how to bring this up with him, or if he’d even let me. Just, talk to him? Please?”

River nodded, though she couldn’t see him. From what he’d seen around school and heard from Payton, McAfee Westbrook was political and put-together to a level rivalling Payton himself. River had a feeling that this area of conversation wasn’t McAfee’s forte, and he admired her courage in calling someone she’d never spoken to face to face.

“I’ll talk to him. I’m meant to be tutoring him today anyway.”

“Thank you,” McAfee replied sincerely.

She hung up. Presently, River managed to drag himself out of bed and get ready to go to Payton’s, facing the coming day a little more readily than usual.

Three hours and a lot of black coffee later, River shut off his car’s engine after the short drive to Payton’s. He sat still for a moment, second guesses and worries flying through his mind. What if Payton didn’t want to talk to him? Should he or should he not mention that McAfee had called him? What if Payton thought they were conspiring against him? What if Payton hated him, or this damaged their relationship - which they shouldn’t even be having in the first place, regardless of whether Astrid was okay with it. He’d cheated on Astrid, and he still felt guilty months later. He was popular, there was no way he could be bi, let alone polyamorous, but God, Payton was so alluring. What if Payton was depressed, or something really bad had happened but he hadn’t told anyone because that’s just how Payton was?

River clenched his fists. Overthinking again. All he had to do was get in there and talk to Payton. It wasn’t a one sided relationship, Payton cared about him too. If something was going on with him, he would most likely talk about it with a bit of coaxing from River. It would be okay. River breathed deeply in and out four times, steadying himself. He opened the car door and stepped out.

River found Payton in the garden, reading in his usual chair in the shade. He was wearing a dark green turtleneck which complimented his ever-perfect hair. River smiled - but not too widely, in case anyone else was around.

“Hi, Payton.”

Payton looked up and immediately smiled, a soft blush immediately colouring his cheeks in an endearing way River found it almost impossible not to beam at.

“Hi, River.”

River motioned towards the house. “Shall we?”

The two made their way inside. River, alert to Payton’s every move thanks to McAfee’s call, noticed how Payton tapped every doorframe they went through three times. He thought better than to mention it until the two were alone, though, and the two settled in their usual spot, either side of the chess board in Payton’s bedroom.

“So, how was your test last week?” River asked.

“I think it went alright. I answered all the questions, although I’m not entirely sure my responses were one hundred percent accurate.” As he spoke, Payton’s focus was on the chess board, shifting pieces within their squares so they were all completely centered.

“Payton?” River spoke gently.

“Mm?” The brunet hummed, distracted, still focusing on the chess board.

“Payton.” Still gentle, but firmer this time, and Payton paused, looked up, almost guiltily.

“I’m worried about you. Your friend McAfee called me this morning, she said you’ve been acting strange recently. I just wanted to know what’s going on.”

Slowly, Payton drew his hands in toward his body, not meeting River’s eyes. “It’s nothing.”

“Payton, if something’s going on, you don’t have to go through it alone. I’m here for you.”

“It’s not a big deal. It’s not even McAfee’s business. She barely even knows you, why would she call you?”

“Hey.” River placed a hand on Payton’s arm, stopping him in his tracks. “It’s okay. McAfee is concerned, and so am I. I don’t mean to be tactless, but what’s with all the tapping when we came up here? I know something’s going on, Payton.”

For a moment, Payton was silent. Then he looked up, hurt and fear etched into his features, and River was caught off guard by the sheen of tears that covered his eyes.

“Woah, Payton, it’s alright. Come here.” River led the shorter boy to the bed and held him in his arms as he tried to suppress the tears. Rather relaxing into his embrace like he usually did, Payton was unusually stiff, his arms tense by his sides. River ran his hand through Payton’s hair, a slow repeating motion, and Payton’s shoulders shook as he held back a sob. Stray tears leaked down his tired face, which he buried in River’s shirt.

After a few minutes, Payton drew back, wiping his eyes.

“Wow, I’m sorry. That’s weird.”

“You don’t have to apologise, Payton. Everyone has feelings.”

Payton sighed.

“Do you want to tell me what’s been going on?”

Payton shook his head, laughed softly. “It’s weird.”

“I don’t mind,” River said.

Payton paused, considering. He started speaking slowly. “I’m… very organised, as a person. That’s just me, you know, I’m uptight. But, recently…” He shook his head. “I don’t know, things have just been weird.”

“How so?”

“I… um. I have this… obsession, with numbers. And like, counting things. And I keep thinking - like the other day, I was eating lunch with James, McAfee and Alice, and I thought… I could take my knife and probably kill at least two people before anyone could stop me. But I don’t want to kill anyone!” Payton hurried to assure him, finally making eye contact, eyes wide. “I don’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t even touch the knife after that. I just… I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.” Payton’s voice broke, and the only thing stopping River from kissing him right then was that it wouldn’t be at all helpful to Payton.

“I’m sorry,” Payton said. “You probably think I’m crazy.”

“Hey, look at me.” Payton looked up, tear-blurred eyes meeting River’s loving gaze. “I don’t think you’re crazy. I would never think that.”

“What’s happening to me, River? I feel like I’m losing it. I can’t feel like that.”

“Why not?”

“How am I going to become president if I go insane? I can’t spend the rest of my life locked up in a mental hospital, I have - I have to do this right, I've only got one chance.” Payton tapped his index finger on the fabric of his jeans in short bursts of seven.

“Slow down, Payton. Right now you need to focus on yourself. Not the you that’s going to be president, the you that’s here right now. You’re struggling, and that’s okay. You’re not in this alone. I care about you so much, and I know your friends do too. We’re gonna help you get through this, okay?”

“But what if I can’t get through this, and I’m like this forever?” Payton’s breathing became irregular, shaky, and he started pacing.

Immediately, River stood up and placed his hands on Payton’s shoulders, forcing him to stop walking. “Hey, just breathe with me, Payton. In and out, four times. Can you do that?”

Payton nodded, closed his eyes. River breathed deeply and watched Payton’s chest rise and fall as he mimicked him. When Payton opened his eyes, his breathing was almost back to normal.

“Okay?” River asked.

Payton nodded again, slower, and sat down on the bed. River took his hand.

“This isn’t going to be forever. I’m not saying it’ll go away soon - it might not ever - but the way things are right now isn’t going to last. Things will improve for you. It’ll take time and work, but they will. And I’m going to be here every step of the way.”

Payton hesitated. “Do you really think I can get better?”

“I know you can. I believe in you, Payton.”

Payton smiled sadly, leaning forward to kiss River. River’s eyes fell shut, and he cupped the back of his neck with one hand. Payton seemed to almost melt into his touch. His hand brushed the back of Payton's neck; one of Payton's hands came to rest on his thigh, another on his cheek, every point of contact a warm buzz.

Payton pulled away first, resting his forehead against River’s, both boys still with closed eyes.

“Thank you for letting me in,” River whispered.

Payton responded with another kiss.

“I love you,” River breathed.

“I love you too,” Payton breathed back. River felt the smile on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> There we go! I have no idea how to write ~romantic shit~, so I hope that was okay! Comments and kudos much appreciated of course :) I would die for anyone in this show, honestly. Also, Google Docs keeps telling me that Payton isn't a real word.
> 
> Obviously OCD is a very difficult illness to deal with, and it can't be fully portrayed in less than 3000 words. Payton's experience is based solely off of my own. If you're struggling with OCD and don't know where to turn, here are some helplines to call:
> 
> OCD Action: 0845 390 6232  
Anxiety Alliance: 0845 296 7877  
Young Minds: Text YM to 85258  
No Panic: 01952 680835 (24-hour crisis line with recording of a breathing technique for panic attacks)


End file.
